The first week on the job.

October 20, 2016

The first week on the job.

Hello there,

So I've made some changes. A lot of changes. In fact in this past year, I've made more productive changes for my life than I have probably, in my whole life.

I started with my exterior; bought a gym membership, started running and muscle toning. Then I started beach body and that helped even more because I started to change the way I ate and that made me feel better on the inside...and slowly but surely, the outside too ;) And while I was making these huge lifestyle changes I met someone who frankly put; rocked my world. Because of his unwavering faith in god, I actually started to listen and observe the blessings god was putting on his life and started to take notice of all the things he had done and was doing for me as well. Instead of just silently doubting, and letting the preaching go in one ear and out the other. Which I can't lie, that was pretty much how I handled religious people/conversations my entire life up to this point. This time was different and I truly let what he was saying slip in. And once it did, it was like stabbing a big balloon with a needle - but instead of it bursting into oblivion, all the air slowly leaked out. I suddenly felt relaxed because the light bulb had clicked on - I didn't feel like I needed to worry about what I didn't know was going to happen anymore, because god was in control of it all along and the only thing he wanted was to hear me tell him that. So I prayed for direction, I told him I had no idea how I am suppose to get to the next phase of my life because all I can see in front of me is the same thing that's always been. Wake up and serve tables. I prayed for there to be something more than just that for me. And that whatever happens, I will trust that it is all part of your (his) plan. Because you (he) is in control, and wants the best for me.

And since then - I kid you not, God has dangled a carrot in my face the whole way. Bringing me to every hurdle and then without falter, easily guiding me over it. It's the craziest thing in the world because I never in a million years thought I would be saying things like this to people. But as crazy as telling people how I know God has helped me into a almost completely different life is. It seems equally as crazy to me to lie and take credit for it all too.

So that being said. I acted on what I felt like he was telling me to do, which was scary because I was unsure, and feared rejection so much. I doubted myself more than I think anyone else ever has. But I did it, I took a small step and made a phone call, which led to another, and then a meeting, and then another. And then before I knew it, all the gates flooded open to this absolutely amazing idea that I was so underserving of. Because "Everything works together for your good."

Which brings me to now. My first week on the job. It's hard to even describe the feeling, but this is as close as I can get; It's like all of the things I wanted to feel when I fantasized about having a job that I loved, rain down over me when I walk into the hospital. And when I leave, it's like tears of joy form in my eyes because I am so elated that I just got to meet and photograph a brand new little soul. But even more than that - I get to go home, after an hour and a half of "work" and spend the rest of the day with my baby. I don't need to be away from him for 5 hours at a time 4 or 5 nights a week, or need my mom to babysit. I can be there for literally almost every part of his day. And after he's asleep, go back and look through everything I did in the morning. Edit it, upload it, and call it a night. Even though this first week isn't even completely over yet, mother's have been so receptive to the opportunity. And I've met handfuls of wonderful parents and family members already. I can't even believe this is my everyday life right now. Like, how did this happen? Is this real life? I don't even feel like I deserve it. All I do know is I live a blessed life. I'm not lucky. I'm blessed and I have Shuli to thank for knowing the difference.

I had no idea the hospital was going to be the busiest it has been in months right before I started, there was no way I could have foreseen my child getting sick with a sinus infection at his shot appointment the week before either. And there was no way to tell how many moms would want their child to be photographed once presented with the opportunity, which has been almost 95% of them. But even with everything feeling a little overwhelming and kind of like "Why is this all happening right now?" Everything got done. And everyone was taken care of. I wore a mask out of precaution the first day of shooting worried I would pass a long Cohen's sickness before he got antibiotics. And that was like having to take photographs under water because the heat from my breath was steaming up my view finder.

But regardless of how I felt inside he gave me enough, because that's the way the lord works. In times of trouble, heartache, frustration and confusion he is always there with a shoulder and some guidance. You just have to ask for. And then accept it. And then you just rest. And let him work it out for you.

Not sure if I will be keeping this up weekly, or experience to experience - Mainly I just wanted to start a record of this new endeavor so I can look back on it (hopefully a long time from now) and remember where and why I started.

Here's just a few of my favs so far

These beautiful little sisters seriously melted my heart. The love the older one (brooke) has for the new baby (Audrey) is just so precious. So gentle and sweet, she is going to be such a great big sister :)

This little man was my very FIRST newborn. Quiet and still - not a peep made the whole time. Thank you for making it very easy for me to relax on my first go with this.